Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts. –Elizabeth Elliot
Sometimes in life we might find ourselves without a plan. Without knowing what is the next step to take. Which choices to make. And this can be scary.
Scary because we like plans. We like having an idea what might be ahead. Where our path will lead us: that job, that class, that place, a new community.
But what about when we have to step into the complete unknown? When things do not go as we planned? When there is just something nagging you to make that crazy and bold step that will turn your life into a complete different direction.
I have been faced with the unknown many times. Living abroad three times. Starting college. Changing specialization. Finding my place in a new community.
And to be honest I do not think any of these changes have ever been as scary as what I am facing now. You see, there has always been a plan and an idea of what to expect. Now? Not really.
But there is a certainty inside me screaming what I am not supposed to do. I am not supposed to conform to my situation now. I am not supposed to give up on this crazy dream that has been growing inside me but I have no idea how to get there. I am not supposed to lose faith and think there is no way to face the tide and swim against it.
This experience has first been a faith growing experience. Because I have been learning to stop relying on myself and have begun to depend completely on God. To understand fully what it means to live with an assurance that He goes before me and will make a way even when I do not know.
I have learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and weak because He has promised to strengthen me.
This has also been a challenging season because I have been asking myself tough questions: do I truly believe that God has forgiven my mistakes? Do I truly believe in forgiveness? That when I actually sin I can find redemption? Can I truly let go of things that I have thought for so long defined me and be who He created me to be? Can I trust Him fully when I cannot see? Can I trust Him to open the way when I truly need a miracle?
Sometimes I feel myself with this plan. And it seems right. But I also hear a not yet. Because truly what this journey is about is not finding who I will be in life. But in learning to find Him and who He is and how He sees me. And then, only then, will I actually find who I am – this being just a bonus to the greatest joy of finding out who He is.
So lets firmly hold on to a God who says:
In all their affliction he was afflicted,
and the angel of his presence saved them;
in his love and in his pity he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.
And starting NOW and not just when I have all my answers I want to follow what is also said in Isaiah 63.
I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord,
the praises of the Lord,
according to all that the Lord has granted us,
and the great goodness to the house of Israel
that he has granted them according to his compassion,
according to the abundance of his steadfast love.
Because knowing the Lord births an excitement inside you that makes you want to tell people about this new joy, hope and fullness of life you have found 🙂